Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


During the Passover seder - the ritual meal cum Socratic dialogue that teaches the story of the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt - it is traditional to recount the ten plagues that the Almighty visited upon the Egyptians. Blood, frogs, nasal catarrh, warheads in the taint, painful rectal itch, hail, darkness, blithering, etc. As each plague is enumerated, we spill a drop of wine to show our regret that other people suffered in the process of our liberation: “When your enemy falls, do not rejoice.”

But there is a rarely-mentioned eleventh plague that was visited, not upon the Egyptians, but upon the Israelites - and it continues, year after year, unto this very day.

Matzoh crumbs!

Never mind the almost universal state of Bowel-Lock that descends upon us Red Sea Pedestrians this time of year... the real plague is the profusion of those damnèd Matzoh-Bits. For it is impossible to eat a piece of matzoh without covering the tablecloth with hundreds of little wheaten flakes, a sort of food-dandruff that attaches itself to every surface. Feh.

Where da vacuum cleaner at?


Houston Steve said...

Vat for you need a wacuum kleenah?

Kevin Kim said...

Houston Steve (as Billy Crystal) has a point. This is why the Good Lord invented tongues.

What's "hrrrrrrggggghhh!" in Hebrew?