Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Friday, December 23, 2011


Bedford Cheese Shop Exterior

A few weeks ago as we strolled along Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn, we came upon a place where I could get Lost in the Cheese Aisle both literally and figuratively.

I speak of the Bedford Cheese Shop.

As soon as I opened the door, I could tell I was dealing with a world-class cheesemonger. A tiny corner store it was, but its inventory was anything but: The place was crammed to the rafters with all manner of cheesy comestibles, chocolates and other confections, and charcuterie, perfuming the air with a gentle but distinctive pong. With glazed eyes I scanned the various cases, rapidly descending into a sort of hyperfromagic brain-lock. Too many choices!

Bedford Cheese Shop Cheeses
Bedford Cheese Shop Charcuterie
A mouthwatering array of cheeses and charcuterie at the Bedford Cheese Shop. (I don’t even want to know what’s in the Baby Jesus salami.)

I’ve always been somewhat of a cheese-hound, but lately I have been checking out more and more American-made craft and artisanal cheeses, thanks to the Missus having bought me a couple of books on the subject for my birthday. In particular, The Cheese Chronicles by one Liz Thorpe has helped lead me to a treasure-trove of excellent cheesy discoveries. Humboldt Fog, Bayley Hazen Blue, Rogue River Blue, Cabot Clothbound Cheddar... all made right here in the good old USA and all wondrously tasty.

But what the Bedford Cheese Shop offered, as much as the cheeses and meats, was entertainment... mainly in the form of the amazingly florid, sexually charged, or humorous descriptions of their wares. Check it out:

“...almost feels like you’re going down on a Dairy Queen employee. Almost.” (Jeune Autise)

“...a punchy barnyard aroma... will leave your mouth with the impression that you’ve been doing something naughty & formerly Presidential.” (Forsterkase)

“...texture is as close to heaven that we have found here on earth. Kinda like going down on Mother Teresa herself, divine.” (Brebirousse d’Argental)

“...the runniest, stinkiest piece of cow to come from Switzerland. It has the aroma of a busy day around Anna Nicole’s house.” (Stanser Reblechon Roteli)

“Kinda like dropping acid in a petting zoo.” (Persille de Beaujolais Chèvre)

Now, doesn’t that make you want to go out and buy yourself a nice big chunk of formaggio? Sure it does.

It’s a damn good thing the Missus was there with me. I was completely lost in the cheese aisle, and almost had to be dragged away from that little shop lest I waste the whole afternoon gaping at the merchandise. All I can say is, when these guys mong cheese, they do it with style!


DogsDontPurr said...

I am a huge lover of what my husband calls "impossible cheese" (his term for "stinky cheese.") But I have to say, even though those descriptions you mentioned were LOL funny....they kinda turned me off....especially as I turned over in my mind just how accurate they might be.

But having said that, when I was grocery shopping this afternoon, I ended up buying a huge slice of perfectly ripe brie, all melty and gooey.

So reading your post and those descriptions must have put something subliminal in my mind. Hmmm...

One of my favorite cheeses is Chaource. I recommend buying it slightly un-ripe and then savoring it bit by bit as it comes to full ripeness. The flavor and textures change in the most wonderful way.

Jim - PRS said...

I remain amazed by the wide variety of cheeses, given that they are essentially all comprised of spoiled milk. Obviously, there are many ways to spoil milk.

Froth said...

What a fabulously enticing and gross post! Love the descriptions.Like so many things cheese often tastes different than it smells...

A Happy Belated Start to Hanukkah to you!

LeeAnn said...

Smells like feet, good to eat.
I might have to go there. Might not leave, though. Moderation, my ass.