Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Every once in a while, I’ll stop over at the Local Smoked Fish and Bagel Emporium (AKA the Grand Purveyor of Toroidal Foodstuffs) and order a deli sandwich. My usual selection horrifies most people, including the Missus: pastrami, chopped liver, and tongue on rye.

Pastrami isn’t the scary part, even if, flavor-wise, it’s a lot like raw whale. And, while She Who Must Be Obeyed is not a fan of organ meats (and thus will never eat anything that has ought to do with liver), she reserves a special horror for the idea of eating tongue. “Never,” she says, “taste anything that can taste you back.”

But tongue is one of those underappreciated cold cuts that makes fine eating... for those who dare it. With possibly one exception: when it’s your own tongue.

We were at table yesterday evening, enjoying SWMBO’s handiwork - a fine supper of chicken andouille sausage, asparagus with fleur de sel, and sautéed red and yellow bell peppers, the kind of dish that appeals to both the eye and the palate. And somehow, in the process of Food-Chewage, I managed to bite my tongue.

Pretty much everyone will manage to bite his or her tongue once in a while. It may hurt for a while, but the tongue is an organ that heals rapidly. The only problem is when the place you bite swells up, making it easier to hit it again with a poorly-aimed chomp.

But this time, I bit down hard enough to hear the “pop.” Just like the sound an old-fashioned hot dog makes... the kind with the skin. Yow!

OK, I thought. I just bit the fuck out of my tongue. But how bad could it really be?

When SWMBO got a look at it, she almost passed out... that’s how bad.

I’m hoping this nastiness will heal up quickly. But it makes me think about all those people who, of their own free will, go and get their tongues pierced. Are they out of their frickin’ minds?


Kevin Kim said...

Quick healing to you. This reminds me: how's your eye been doing since your last update? No relapse/regression, I hope?

Elisson said...

@Kevin - Thanks... and thanks for asking about Mister Oculus Sinistrum. It's doing much better, especially since I no longer have to dilate it every day. Pretty much back to normal... hope the eye-croaker agrees when I see him next week.

K-nine said...

Oooh... Hateful.
A special thanks for not doing that at beakfast yesterday. It might have put a damper on a great visit.
It was good to see you yesterday, and quite the entertaining conversation.
The rest of my drive was pleasant as I rolled on in to Carolina.
Take care of that tongue, it'd be a shame to handicap such a good orator.

El Capitan said...

I don't seem to bite my tongue that often, but the inside of my lower lip is like a war zone, all scarred up. If I had a couple of snaggly teeth, I could understand it. Ah, well. I always knew I had an eating problem...

og said...

In future, please stop chewing anything that tastes like you.

Tbird said...

Tongue must'a been more popular in the old days. Remember reading somewhere that in the time when the hidehunters were wipin' out the buffalo herds, they'd take the hides and the tongue. They packed the tongues in salt in barrels and ship'em bake east. The rest they left to rot.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

That's a clear case of biting off more than one can swallow.

But yeah, it could be as painful as, for example, getting chided by SWMBO for not eating carefully and, as a result, biting own tongue.

Rahel Jaskow said...

Oy. Ouch. Refua shlema!

Anonymous said...

.... when I lived in Scotland I used to work with an Irish fellow who had tongue sandwiches for lunch nearly every day....... I figured it was just another example of how the Irish really are quite insane......