Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Friday, October 22, 2010


Following my usual Friday morning routine, I got out of bed at 6:05, having given She Who Must Be Obeyed a ten-minute head start. Brushed my teeth, used the Water Pik, scraped the stubble off my face with my trusty Gillette, showered, got dressed. By 6:50, I was out the door on my way to morning Minyan.

Well, it was not quite a minyan this morning. It’s unusual for us to fall short of our quorum of ten, more so on a Friday, but that’s the way it was. Our attempts to collar random passersby on Roswell Road (“Hey, buddy - are you Jewish by any chance?”) having been unsuccessful, we made short work of the service and were on our way to Waffle House for breakfast by 7:30.

When we got there, the waitress was delivering a couple of eggs over easy and a side of grits to Betty White, who was sitting in the booth adjacent to the window. Her usual seat.

On the way home from breakfast, I stopped to pick up a prescription at the local Publix, grabbing a few supplies for tonight’s dinner as well. Betty was there too, unloading her cart’s contents onto the belt on Lane 5. A lot of vegetables, I noticed... couple slabs of beef... quart of lowfat milk... and a tube of Astroglide. I wasn’t surprised. You don’t get to be a household name in this country without handing out a little squish here and there.

Mid-afternoon, I decided to run over to the gym. You couldn’t miss Betty - she was on the elliptical at the end of the row, the first one you see after you get past the reception desk. After a while, she wandered over to the machines and worked on her lats and abs. I was pretty focused on some quadriceps work at the time - the third set was murder! - so I didn’t have a chance to say hello.

By the time SWMBO and I were through with dinner, we had spotted Betty at least three more times between the two of us. SWMBO had run into her at the gas station as she filled up the Accord, and half an hour later at the nail salon. And when I made a Bunwad Run over to Target, there she was again.

Seeing her on Jimmy Fallon’s late show was almost anticlimactic. You can’t throw a rock these days without hitting Betty White - she’s everywhere.

Nice to know that there’s a place in the American pop culture’s heart for a mature actress, innit?


Anonymous said...

I'm not sure if you were being silly with this post or if Betty White really does hang in you "hood," but, seriously, I was at a cafe in Malibu about month or so ago, and she was at the table next to me.

It was a small cafe, and there were other "somebody's" there, but in Malibu everybody is a "somebody" so you have to try real hard to not, um, stare at the stars. You have to act all nonchalant. But there she was, just like somebody's grandmother....just out for some seared ahi tuna quesadillas or some such other gourmet treats to be had at that particular cafe in Malibu. It was oddly classic.

Of course, "you had to have been there."

Most people I know hate living in/working in L.A. But not me. How does that Randy Newman song go?: "I love L.A.!" I love L.A.

And Betty White.

DogsDontPurr said...

Oops! That comment was from me, DogsDontpurr. I hit "anonymous" by mistake. Sorry!

Cappy said...

Don't know what Astroguide is. Sounds gay.

Elisson said...

I was being silly, but - strange as it may seem - Betty White has been in Atlanta on a shoot for the past several weeks. So there is a non-zero probability of our actually seeing her.

What inspired the post was my noticing that Betty seems to be everywhere these days: on commercials, talk shows, sitcoms, in movies - you name it. So why shouldn't she be everywhere literally?

treppenwitz said...

Sometimes I think you throw in stuff like the astroglide just to see if anyone is reading closely. :-)

Elisson said...


Kevin Kim said...

Yeah, I saw the Astroglide reference and wondered whether it was "the local Publix" or "the local Pubix."


Bou said...

I don't know... I don't think you can throw in something like astroglide with nobody noticing. It kind of sprang from the proverbial pages!

Anonymous said...

... I saw Betty take quite a tackle in a commercial the other day......