Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


The morning air was crisp and cool
Upon this lovely autumn day.
And to myself, “Myself,” I say,
“I think it’s time to drop a stool.”

Prepared to lay my Burden down,
I perched myself upon the Throne.
Releasing, first, a gentle moan,
I crimped a Length off for to drown.

It landed on its end and stood
A sort of Fecal Monument,
Full straight and not the least bit bent,
As though ’twas carven out of wood.

I stared in horror at the sight,
A Poopy-Pillar in the bowl!
It shook me to my very soul
To see a turd tow’r thus upright.

As rare as blizzards fall in Hell,
To “stick the landing” so precise
A figure skater on the ice
Could hardly hope to do as well.

Some men are artists, seeking beauty.
Some men are leaders: mighty, sure,
That guide their States with motives pure,
Whilst I squeeze out an Upright Doody.

Some men place feathers in their cap
With great achievements, noble deeds;
Supplying goods the whole world needs.
But me? I took a Standing Crap.


Jeffro said...

Author, author! Encore, encore! Bravo!

Kevin Kim said...

Most excellent.

Homeschool Mom said...

Thank goodness you didn't feel the need to illustrate.

Elisson said...

@ Homeschool Mom - I may be disgusting, but even I have my limits. ;-)

hahnak said...

brought tears to my eyes

Anonymous said...

Provided a much needed chuckle for the morning.

Anonymous said...

.... good god, man.....

Unknown said...

@Anonymous...I recognized you by your ellipses...

Anonymous said...

Yes, but did you intend to do it?

Elisson said...

Not really. Consider it a Happy Accident.