Hamm the Piggy Bank: Eh... I don’t think those were Lincoln Logs.
- Toy Story 3
She Who Must Be Obeyed knows that I am prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse... because I have over eighty pounds of Kitty Litter in the garage. I guess she must figure I’ll be serving it as cold cereal when things get really desperate. But she’s wrong: There’s no fucking way I would eat kitty litter as a cold cereal.
You’ve gotta cook it.
I jest, of course. Kitty litter might not be especially toothsome, even when cooked... but after the Zombie Apocalypse, it might be handy to have some litter around for human use. I suspect the water supply will be interrupted, making flush toilets useless.
I’m not worried about the cat. We’d probably have to eat her out of sheer desperation, which would leave all the litter for our use.
Cat litter technology has come a long way. On the recommendation of the Mistress of Sarcasm, we started using clumping cat litter several months ago and were pleasantly surprised at how odor-free it helps keep the box. With old-school litter, we’d sieve out the turds every couple of days and replace the entire contents of the box every week or so, by which time it would have begun to give off a characteristically cat-pissy pong. But clumping litter forms little boulders on contact with cat pee, boulders that get sieved out along with the turds. We just have to top up the box periodically and perform a full litter replacement about once a month. Much more efficient; much less stinky.
Best yet, Costco sells Fresh Step clumping litter in 42-pound plastic sacks, complete with carrying handle and zipper closure. You get an upper-body workout every time you pick that sack up, which is a good thing... and it’s a damn sight cheaper than buying sacks of conventional litter at the Stupid-Market.
The only thing I worry about now is what to do in the event of a Zombie-Kitty Apocalypse... but I don’t worry too much. With all that litter, at least they’ll have a clean box to crap in after they eat our brains.
Postscript: Cleaning a cat box is a lot like cleaning an oven... the filthier you allow it to get between cleanings, the nastier and more difficult the task will be.