Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Sunday, February 27, 2011


It was during a fearsome storm that Richard Nixon’s plane went down in the mountainous wilderness of Papua New Guinea. By some miracle, the pilot saved the fuselage from being smashed to flinders in the dense palm forest; the passengers and crew, five in all, were able to clamber out of the smoking wreckage with only minor bruises.

They were alive but terrified. Everyone was aware that they were in mortal danger: It was common knowledge that the jungle teemed with headhunters and cannibals.

Nixon, however, was safe. Even cannibals knew enough to avoid a nasty case of Tricky Dickinosis.