Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Mongol General: Conan! What is best in life?

Conan the Barbarian: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, to hear the lamentation of their women, and to drink up all of their chocolate.

Mongol General: That is good! That is good.

- Conan the Barbarian (1982)

At breakfast this morning, one of the Minyan Boyz inquired about the Flavor of the Day. The Local Bagel and Smoked Fish Emporium, you see, offers flavored coffee in addition to the traditional choices of Regular and Decaffeinated... so when one is in the mood for coffee that tastes like French Vanilla or Irish Cream (instead of coffee that tastes like, well, coffee), one has the option of selecting the Flavor of the Day.

The servitor responded: “We have Barbarian Chocolate.”

That’s when the above Filmic Dialogue popped into my head. Barbarian Chocolate? Really?

It took us all a moment to realize that what the waiter meant was Bavarian Chocolate. The favorite of those nice folks at Berchtesgaden, no doubt. But from now on, I’m ordering Barbarian Chocolate... and I will do so in a badly-executed Austrian accent, in the style of the recently-deposed Governator.

I do loves me a fine malapropism. Heard any good ones lately?


G said...

A fellow at work came up with a couple of goodies. One is "service rust", for when something gets rusty enough (on the surface, natch) to require some service with a paint brush. Another of his is where we keep odds and ends in the truck- the glove department!

One classic uttered by my great uncle after returning from the doctor's office- I've got tenderitis.

And another classic, if I can remember it. Hmm, maybe, could it possibly be, yes, it is old timer's disease!

Bou said...

I live with Bones, we hear it all the time.

He said something to me about foliated yesterday. T and I said, "foliated?" and he said... "Yeah, you know. Like in toilet paper. Each piece is foliated." To which T and I replied, 'That would be PERFORATED".

Unknown said...

My old roommate was a treasure trove of malapropisms. One year during the month of December he wished one of our Jewish frieds a "Happy Holocaust". Fortunately our friend knew of his tendencies toward malaprop and thanked him.

Omnibabe said...

No malapropisms... but one hell of an ear worm, damn you!

Cowtown Pattie said...

My duaghter, who once worked for vet, had to hide her giggles when a client complained that her recently-spayed lab hated wearing her "Lesbian" collar.

For the non-animal folk, the official name of said device is "elizabethean collar". (Or E-Collar, if you prefer.) Big plastic cone shaped device that prevents a dog or cat from chewing on stitches, etc...

The word became a family lexicon staple...LOL

Cowtown Pattie said...

uhm, daughter.


Nah, uncoordinated fingers...

Cowtown Pattie said...

My eldest daughter has three boys. The other evening G-man and B-man (ages 6 and 3) were getting their nightly bath. Here's the story from elder daughter:

"Last night the boys were bathing in my tub ( a large whirlpool sunken type in the master bathroom). I walk back in the bathroom, and G-man says, "Mom! B-man kicked my peanuts!"

"I said, you mean your testicles? The two hangy things?

"He said, "NO! My PEANUTS!" And pointed to his penis. I said that's called a PE-NIS. Not a pea-nuts. He said, "Ohhhhhh, right.

"And how do you know what it's called? You don't even have one."

Rahel Jaskow said...

I think I'd enjoy any chocolate strong enough to be called "barbarian." Yum! Bring it on!