ON FOOTGEAR...

Elder Daughter models a pair of her Daddy’s Cole-Haan loafers.

Eric, the Tennessee Renaissance Man, poses a fascinating question: How many pairs of shoes do you own? The question is directed at guys, who normally do not give much thought to Footwear-Related Matters except in the most practical situations. (It’s the kind of question that makes for a dandy meme, but I won’t go there.)

Eric claims to own eleven pairs of shoes. His post piqued my curiosity enough to impel me to do my own Shoon-Inventory. Here’s what I found:

Casual
1 pair Aldo walking shoes, black
1 pair Cole-Haan loafers, tan
1 pair Johnston & Murphy walking shoes, brown
1 pair Johnston & Murphy lace-up walking shoes, brown
1 pair Johnston & Murphy loafers, tan
1 pair Johnston & Murphy tassel loafers, brown/black
1 pair Johnston & Murphy walking shoes, green suede
1 pair Merrell walking shoes, black suede
1 pair Picolinos walking shoes, black

Dress/Formal
1 pair Bass tassel loafers, cordovan
1 pair Cole-Haan tassel loafers, black
1 pair Johnston & Murphy tassel loafers, black
1 pair Johnston & Murphy tassel wingtips, black
1 pair Johnston & Murphy white bucks
1 pair Kenneth Cole patent leather formal shoes, black
1 pair Stacy Adams patent leather formal shoes, black

Sports
1 pair And1 sneakers, white/silver
1 pair Ecco golf shoes, black
1 pair Keen hiking boots, brown
1 pair Merrell athletic shoes, brown
1 pair Nike athletic shoes, black
1 pair Nike golf shoes, white
1 pair Puma running shoes, white
1 pair Shimano bicycling shoes, black/blue
1 pair softball cleats, black

Other
2 pairs Crocs, black and orange
1 pair flip-flops, navy
1 pair Skechers leather sandals, black
1 pair Texas cowboy boots, cordovan/black

That’s thirty pairs of shoes, Esteemed Readers. Good Gawd - who knew?

I could throw half of those shoes out and I’d never miss ’em. F’rinstance, of the seven pairs of dress shoes I own, I really could stand to deep-six three. A couple of pairs are somewhat old and worn-out and should have been given the heave-ho years ago, while the Kenneth Cole formals are just plain fucking ugly. Gawd only knows what possessed me to buy ’em. (Actually, it was She Who Must Be Obeyed, who thought they were cool for about twenty seconds.)

The And1 sneakers - not quite as ugly as those Kenneth Coles, but close - were originally purchased exclusively to wear on Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av, as they contain no leather - now I just wear the black Crocs.

Speaking of Crocs, the fact that I have one pair each in orange and black comes in especially handy at Princeton reunions.


Mix-and-match Crocs at Princeton Reunions. Check out the tiger Jibbitz™!

Those softball cleats are about thirty years old. I had a pair of bowling shoes that was even older than that, but a few years ago when they got to be about forty, I made the mistake of trying to wear ’em... and the soles cracked right in half.

I try to rotate the casuals and get some use out of most of ’em, but - in true Guy Form - my normal tendency is to find one pair I really like, then wear ’em to death. I’ve killed plenty of shoes that way.

No, I’ve never met Imelda Marcos, although her daughter Imee was a schoolmate of mine for a few years. Is thirty pairs of shoes a lot of shoes? Or is it a fuck of a lot of shoes?