Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

WHERE’S THE CHEESE?

Inquiring minds want to know.

“Say, Elisson,” they remark. “Now that you’re Lost in the Cheese Aisle, where the hell is the cheese?”

Glad you asked.

Owing to my recent weight loss regimen, cheese has been thin on the ground around here... at least as far as my own food intake is concerned. But I love cheese in all its variety, from the mellow curds of cottage cheese (perfect when doctored up with a dab of sour cream) to the stinkiest Camembert.

Whether it’s available in quantity...

Cheese at Costco
The cheese aisle at Costco... a great place in which to get lost. [Photo courtesy Morris William]

... or quality...

Cheese at Dean and DeLuca
A selection of exotic fromage at Dean & DeLuca, Georgetown.

I never get “board” with cheese.

Cheeses
Cheesy Delights.

But I can get Borat with cheese. From the outtakes of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, we have this hilarious exchange between the intrepid Kazakh reporter Borat Sagdiyev and a befuddled supermarket worker...

Borat: And what is this?
Store Clerk: That’s cheese.
Borat: And what of this?
Store Clerk: That’s cheese...
Borat: And this?
Store Clerk: That’s cheese...
Borat: And what is this? Rice?
Store Clerk: No, that’s cheese. This is all cheese here.
Borat: But this say “Crackers,” this not cheese.
Store Clerk: No, Crackers [Cracker Barrel] is the brand, that’s cheese...

OK, that’s enough for now. It’s time to cut the cheese...

6 comments:

Omnibus Driver said...

What? No mouse-zerrella?

(I just knew a cheese post was overdue...)

Ed said...

Pssst: Coulommiers.

Randy Rager said...

If you're ever in Cincinnati, you need to stop in at Jungle Jim's. They have a very wide selection, and (last I looked, at 1600 lbs) one of the largest cheeses in the world.

BobG said...

Love the selection in the second photo.

El Capitan said...

Your post reminded me of a song I heard on the Dr. Demento show years & years ago.

Thanks to the magic of the interwebs, I found the lyrics!

It's 'I Love Stinky Cheese' by "Two-Ton" Baker!

I don't want a sirloin steak,
you can take pie and cake,
They give me a tummyache.
I like Stinky Cheese!

Liederkranz or Camembert,
soft gruyere, roquefort rare,
Gee it smells, but I don't care!
I like Stinky Cheese!

Just remember this, please, a piece of swiss cheese is heavenly!
Strong cheese fairly fells me,
my family tells me,
That half the city smells me!

All the folks are horrified,
run outside, try to hide!
I'm alone but satisfied,
I like Stinky Cheese!

I don't go for fancy eats,
juicy meats, lots of sweets,
When I eat it, it repeats,
I like Stinky Cheese!

You can keep your roasted lambs, country hams, homemade jams,
I don't go for candied yams.
I like Stinky Cheese!

Take a great big bowl of
some gorgonzola,
that's ripe and rare.
Rub it on a grater,
a moment later,
they'll send the fumigator!

Cheese for baking, cheese to stew, cheese to brew, cheese ragout,
All I know is next to you.
I like Stinky Cheese!

Elisson said...

Just drove through Cincinnati - alas, no time to stop for a cheese hunt. Maybe Sunday on the way back home...