AN UTTERLY HEINOUS (AND YET TASTY) BREAKFAST

This morning at the Local Bagel and Smoked Fish Emporium, I ordered something that was not on the menu... something that was utterly heinous and yet tasty nevertheless.

[One might wonder what our Minyan Gang was doing at the Local Bagel and Smoked Fish Emporium, given that today is a minor fast day - what I refer to as a “half-fast day” - on which observant Jews abstain from food or drink from sunrise until sundown. It’s Aseret b’Tevet, the tenth day of the month Tevet, the day on which tradition tells us Nebuchadnezzar began the siege of Jerusalem that led to the destruction of the First Temple. But given my general level of observance, eating breakfast is the least of my peccadilloes.]

I had tried ordering this Infamous Dish once before, and Tommy - the proprietor of the Emporium - refused to prepare it for me. This morning I must have caught him in a festive mood.

Here ’tis...


Elisson’s “Dirty Diaper” Omelette: egg whites with a chopped liver filling. Yeef!

It’s nothing less than a Chopped Liver Omelette!

Yes, indeed: a nice fluffy egg white omelette filled with nasty, nasty chopped liver. Looks horrible, no? In view of the obvious resemblance, I call it the Dirty Diaper Omelette.

I’d love for Tommy to put this on the menu, but I’m not gonna hold my breath.

Looks aside, it’s really quite good, provided you are the sort of person who tolerates chopped liver. She Who Must Be Obeyed wouldn’t touch this thing with a ten-foot pole. (Come to think of it, most ten-foot Poles wouldn’t touch it either... and that’s saying a lot given their willingness to eat kielbasa.) But I eat this kind of stuff - and document it! - so you don’t have to.

I suppose I should be ashamed of myself... but as we all know, I have no shame.