Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Thursday, November 8, 2012


We’ve all had ’em, you know... those scary moments when you realize that, but for a brief hesitation, or owing to the happy randomness of events, you narrowly escaped becoming a grease spot.

My Uncle Phil and Aunt Marge had one of those moments back in July 1996, when they took a flight from Athens, Greece to New York. They landed and got off (they were on their way home to south Florida), and their plane took off on the next leg of its journey, headed to Paris. It never made it. TWA flight 800 blew up off the south shore of Long Island, killing all souls aboard.

SWMBO and I had one a few months ago, when only the Missus’s good peripheral vision (along with the ingrained habit of looking both ways even when going through a greenlit intersection) saved us from being T-boned by a car that blithely cruised through a red light at 60 MPH.

And I had one yesterday.

It was at an intersection in Roswell, just a few miles from here. My light had turned green, and I was about to proceed across the intersection... but I hesitated long enough to look for any surprises. And a damn good thing, too, for an assclown with a serious case of the stupid blew through that crossroads at about 45 MPH, enough to have put a major dent in my day.

It’s not as though he was trying to get through a stale green light, either. Cross traffic in the direction opposite me had had the green before I did, which meant that this doofus’s light had been red for some time.

Color me unsurprised when I saw the silhouette of a cellphone clamped to his ear as he whizzed past.

May the Lord protect us all from Random Moronitude...


Rahel Jaskow said...

For the sake of that jerk and everyone around him, I wish him a long meeting with a police officer. Very, very soon.

BobG said...

I see more accidents and near-accidents caused by celltards than any other single cause.

LeeAnn said...

My moment came when an applicant for the position of Spouse didn't show up for dinner with my parents because he'd suddenly been accepted into the local Loony Bin for getting in a fistfight (and losing) with a hooker while indulging in random medications, one of which turned out to be his girlfriend on the side, Miss Xanax.
Sold the ring and went to Disneyworld, I did, yes I did.

I am very glad the Random Moron missed you, as we need more like you and the Missus these days.

Anonymous said...

Now, now.. Let's not be harsh here, let's all wish him all the best on his journey.

...and may he meet St. Peter ... Preferably tonight. Amen.

With regards,