Our Bunwad Stores were getting low,
So to the Market I must go,
Thus to avoid the Wifely Griping
Occasioned by Paperless Ass-Wiping.
I got my Butt into the Car
And drove to Target – ’twas not far.
Unto the Bunwad Aisle emergent,
I now needs must choose my Abstergent.
Look – that one’s Package has a Bear
(How does he wipe, with all that Hair?)
And this one’s Roll is extra-large,
With Squares enough to wipe a Barge.
This Other, extra strong and tough –
Like Garnet Paper on the Duff.
Here’s yet a Third, so extra cushy
It’s like a Pillow on the Tushy.
O, all these Choices drive me nuts –
Why all these Papers for our Butts?
To clean one’s Arse – a simple Job –
One only needs a dry Corn Cob.
No more, no more the Charmin Bear
With Orville Redenbacher there!