MISTER DEBONAIR’S USEFUL TIPS AND TRICKS

One of my Esteemed Readers recently posed the question: Have you ever dropped your cell phone in the toilet?  And what did you do to fix it?

Now, let it be said that Mister Debonair does not generally offer tech support.  Nor does he involve himself in matters that are best left to “Hints from Heloise.”  It is unseemly.  Nevertheless, if someone has taken the time to reach out, as it were, who is Mister Debonair to withhold a helping hand?

In the event one has suffered the tragedy of dropping a cell phone in the Water Closet, the first order of business is to fish it out... which will be a task with varying degrees of unpleasantness, depending upon how much, ahem, business has been transacted prior to Phone-Droppage.

Immediately rinse the phone under cool running water, for reasons both obvious and subtle.  You must remove any substances that might act as electrolytes... and, of course, any Toilet-Cooties, assuming you wish to ever use the phone again.

Now set the phone in a bowl of uncooked rice overnight. Thanks to its hygroscopic properties, the rice acts as an absorbent, soaking up most of the water (and, one hopes, most of the Toilet-Cooties.)  In the morning, take the phone out and attempt to turn it on. If it works, feel free to use it, although, on account of the aforementioned Toilet-Cooties, you may wish henceforth to hold it at a discreet distance from your face.  If it does not work, a visit to your local Cell Phone Purveyor may be in order.

Do not eat the rice.  (Do I even need to mention this?)

Even better, take the “ounce of prevention” route and do not use your phone while you are using the Water Closet. Who the hell wants to listen to you dropping the kids off at the pool, anyway?