SILLY SEASON

By which I mean the several weeks leading up to Election Day.

I am sick, sick unto death, of the incessant parade of campaign advertisements that make television-watching an ordeal, that make opening the mailbox a painful chore. Thank Gawd for the Digital Video Recorder, that marvelous device that allows us to skip past - or pause and ignore - commercial breaks. Without it, I would have yanked out my hair by the roots weeks ago.

It’s bad enough that in Georgia, we have a Goober-Natorial Election that includes a crooked sleazebag Republican and a lying sack of shit Democrat. The Libertarian candidate, alas, is all but invisible... but at least he has the advantage of not having conducted the kind of relentlessly negative campaign the other two have.

I’d be perfectly happy putting both of these assholes in a padded cell with baseball bats. The one still able to walk in half an hour wins the election. But having to watch their hateful, truth-deficient bullshit every two minutes - their shouts of “Vote for me - or at least, don’t vote for my stinking, miserable excuse for an opponent!” - is enough to send me right around the bend.

Not even my Colander-Hat can keep those messages away.

The sad thing is, Georgia’s stupid-ass election system requires a runoff election in case no candidate ends up with a majority. In a closely contested race involving three or more contenders, it virtually ensures that there will be a second voting session a few more weeks down the road, with all the attendant cost to the taxpayer... and all that additional time for us to soak up yet more campaign ads.

I know that negative ads are successful. That’s why they’ve become so popular in recent years. But I reserve the right to invoke Elisson’s Rule of Campaign Civility: If you run so much as one negative campaign ad, I reserve the right to not vote for you. It thins the field down somewhat, but there’s the Write-In option, isn’t there? And what’s the worst Miss Manners (my Candidate of Choice in these uncivil times) can say if she manages to get elected?