Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Friday, August 20, 2010


Back in July when She Who Must Be Obeyed and I were in South Florida visiting Aunt Marge and Uncle Phil, we spent a few minutes checking out the snazzy stuff at what is clearly one of the more upscale shopping malls around.

I speak, of course, of the Aventura Mall.

While you can find J. C. Penney and Sears there, the real action is at higher-end retailers like Macy’s, Bloomingdale’s, and Nordstrom. Hell, there’s even a Ferrari store. No, you cannot pick up a 458 Italia there, but if you are so inclined, you can load up on Ferrari-logo merch: watches, sunglasses, T-shirts, baby buggies, even a Ferrari tricycle. Doesn’t little Ethan deserve a Ferrari tricycle, that the other preschoolers may eat their shriveled little toddler-hearts out with envy?

What really got my attention at Aventura Mall wasn’t so much the brick-and-mortar based retailers, but the kiosks. Most shopping malls have an assortment of kiosks scattered about their aisles, usually selling various grades of crap. Dead Sea cosmetics, cell phones, Rosetta Stone language instruction software, ugly cheap hats, that sort of thing. But Aventura has more. Aventura has...

Mall Caviar
“Caviar & More” kiosk at Aventura Mall. [Click to embiggen.]

...a frickin’ Caviar Kiosk.

Yes: You can buy all sorts of caviar right there at the mall, along with blocks of goose liver mousse, truffles, and other Fancy-Pants Comestibles. Where else but South Florida? [That’s a rhetorical question. I’m sure there’s a mall somewhere in Southern California where you can find a Caviar Kiosk. But still...]

Kinda shoots a hole in the argument that the economy is completely in the toilet, don’t it?

If you needed more evidence that we Americans have more money than brains, though, I can give you some. A few days ago I was browsing around in Harry’s Farmers Market in Marietta. (No, I wasn’t stalking Alton Brown, who makes frequent appearances there.) I passed a display of what looked like exotic game-based patés...

Fancy Pet Food
Exotic paté display at Harry’s? [Click to embiggen.]

Looka dis stuff! Duck! Venison! Buffalo! Pheasant, fercryinoutloud! But before throwing any of it in my cart, I took a closer look and confirmed my suspicions. This was dog food!

What the fuck kind of people give their dogs duck and pheasant to eat? (Probably the same people who buy Ferrari tricycles for their kids.)


Anonymous said...

Yeah...he eats a bowl of 100% Pheasant, laps up his bowl of Calistoga and then eats his own shit.

- Morris William

Elisson said...

Right, Morris William! But what about the dog?

BobG said...

Gourmet food for dogs sounds goofy to me; this is a critter that gnaws on a dirty week-old bone, drinks out of the toilet, and then licks its butt for dessert.

Houston Steve said...

My left leaning side screams that this is a further indicator of the insane concentration of wealth that is occuring in this beloved land of mine.
Joe Sixpack may have a hard time feeding the family now that the factory has closed, but those of us with jobs in the higher end of the income spectrum (myself included so far)have enough left to spend. But the purveyors of crap have to work harder so that we may indulge our own whimsical sense of "we're doing all right." After all, why should MY DOG eat the same thing as the plebian dogs.
"Well," to paraphrase President Reagan, "there I go again."
Everyone have a great week.

Houston Steve said...

Previous diatribe aside, I do likes me a little fishy egg spread on a blini wiv a bit of creme fraiche on the celebratory occasion. Oh, and please pass the Chateau d'Yquem.

Elisson said...

@Houston Steve: Chateau d'Yquem with caviar? Really? You disappoint me, Sir.

Stick a few slabs of entrecote de boeuf and a bit of roast goose (washed down with some fine claret) between the caviar and the d'Yquem, though, and now you're talking.