Dazed and confused? Not me. I’m just Lost in the Cheese Aisle.

Saturday, April 11, 2015


The Red Sea Pedestrians’ ration
Has been long known to cause constipation.
Eating matzoh all week -
It just might make me shriek
But it binds me to my Jewish nation.

Passover ends this evening at sundown, and we already have plans to end our eight-day-long abstention from leavened grain products by going out for pizza. That makes sense. It’s delicious, it’s leavened, and yet it is somewhat flat, as if to pay homage to the matzoh we are no longer obligated to eat until next year. I’m looking forward to it - and also to a taste of what the hooch-merchants call Brown Goods. That’d be whisky, which has been out-of-bounds for the past week.

We love Pesach, but as with a visiting relative, we’re always happy to see it go after it’s stayed with us for over a week. And some will be happier than others.

A good friend (who shall remain nameless here) contacted me a couple of evenings ago to inform me that he would be unable to attend synagogue Friday morning, the penultimate day of the festival. This was a bit problematic, as he had been slated to lead a portion of the service: We would have to find a pinch hitter.

The problem? A case of “Matzoh-stomach.”

Later, when our friend was feeling better, one of our group inquired further about the ailment he had suffered:

“Red light or green light?”

“Green light, damn it.”


LeeAnn said...

We used to say "upstairs or downstairs" to indicate barf or, well, the other. I'm stealing "red light, green light." You can bill my estate, if you like. The payout would probably be in cheesy poofs, though.

Elisson said...

"Upstairs, downstairs," eh? Now I'll never be able to watch British costume dramas with quite the same mindset.

As for "Red light, Green light," since I didn't make it up, you're welcome to steal it. Although, cheesy poofs.