[I originally published this little piece on April 20, 2005, the day after Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger was elected Pope by the Conclave of Cardinals at the Vatican, at which time he selected the Papal name Benedict XVI. Given the recent accession of Pope Francis, I thought it would be fun to carve away a bit of the verbiage and convert it into a 100-word story. Enjoy.]
Mob enforcer Tony “Eggs” Benedict settled himself upon the park bench, the slats groaning from his 325-pound bulk. He took one last draw on his Camel and flipped the butt to the ground, where it smoldered.
“Haddaya like that?” Tony said to himself. “They pick a German Pope, and he goes and names himself after me!”
Later, in the gloom of the confessional, he was disappointed to find that his newly-shared Papal Name swung no weight with Father Rindisi.
Whackin’ a guy still got you 200 Hail Marys, with 50 Our Fathers thrown in if Father R. was feeling pissy.