Whenever the Missus and I go on a lengthy Road Trip, the issue of what to eat will inevitably raise its ugly head.
We always hit the road with a good supply of Snacky Goodies. Cold beverages, bottled water, nuts, mini-meals, et cetera - were we blessed with an infinitude of bladder capacity, we could theoretically drive all day without having to stop and eat. But even if we do not need sustenance at regular intervals, the SWMBO-Mobile does... at least, until they get around to inventing that Mr. Fusion garbage-to-energy converter from Back to the Future. (They’ve got just one year left. Time to get busy!)
THis means that, every couple of hours, we pull off the highway for a Pee-Break, a Refueling Stop, a Snack-Break, or some combination of the three.
Some of our stops land us at various fast food outlets, where you can generally count on clean restrooms and drinkable (if not palatable) coffee. As a rule, we don’t do the Fast Food Thing when we’re at home, so this is the opportunity for us to indulge those all-too-rare nostalgic and/or guilty pleasures. Quarter Pounder with cheese! Frosty! Bring it on!
Except now, McDonald’s has begun posting calorie counts on their menus. On the menu, that is, not buried in some you-gotta-ask-for-it literature. Getting a jump on Federal legislation, I’m betting. And the numbers are, in a word, horrifying. When you see a four-digit calorie count next to a frickin’ breakfast item (never mind the burgers, fries, and shakes!) it has a pronounced appetite-dulling effect. There’s no way I want to gobble up three quarters of my daily calorie allotment before nine in the morning... yeef!
I’ll just drain the lizard and have a cup of coffee, thanks.
Then there are the truck stops and Fuel Plazas... kind of like a theme park of Road Life. The food choices there are downright staggering. Jack Link’s Beef Jerky? Check. Sasquatch sausage? Check. Klondike bars? Check. And then, you have these:
Big Papa and Big Mama. Yeef!
Whoever thought to name a picked sausage “Big Mama,” I have no idea... but that dinky thing ain’t gonna impress any Big Mama I know. All I will tell you is, these items are on my list of Foods to be Eaten Only in the Aftermath of a Nuclear Holocaust.
Road Food - gotta love it!